rambles in genesis..

fuckkkk.what a m i supposed to write about
i hate blank white pages
what is there to talk about anymore once you'r ein the moment?
what is there more than now?
Where does my imagination go?
What lands can I go live on?
Dogged acceptance makes a dog out of me
I want to go explore more lands
I thought I found happiness in calm,
in acceptance.
but I want feeling
I want more
I want passion
and tears
and life
and pain
and romance


such a human I am..zetigeist..
yearning
passion



I want to fall in love with my words
I want to go to great beautiful places
and live in lovely spaces..
I must be content with myself.. but others cannot learn such lessons
my characters must live the hard life.. they must learn..
they will live in squalor
they will be ugly
dirty
rough children
hewn from stone..
but I am their mother
I love them
I shall take care of them
I must accept that they are ugly ducklings, soon to be swans
once cannot start a hero
and I need to stop looking for them

From ashes we rise, the phoenix, on sickly wings arrives to be born again in the flame of the sun..the golden one..



They won't be pretty... they won't be kind...
How do I feel being the Creator, the God of such people. Why such an obsession with beauty?
Why such a preoccupation with perfection? Is that what I'm searching for? Why must things "be a certain way"?
No, I 'prefer' things "a certain way", no? Thats okay.,.. surely


You shall be ugly my children. Wings of earth to drive you to dust..
I am sorry my loves...