I see what you want from me now
You want me to live my life
You want me to enjoy myself
You want me to not change, to not turn my head, not get distracted
You want me to go for what I want
You want me to live out my dreams
You want me to be me



I was afraid of you
But I realized, it was only because I was everything I thought you were
Intense, impatient and fleeting.

I know I'll be fine
But you?
Aww poor baby, I'm scared for you [sad face :( ]

Let the rain wash away the sadness
Let the winds bring a brighter day
the sun on my face, your hand in its place
Let me feel your love again

Let the tears clear away the clouds, dear
Let us both find another way
when I'm held, your embrace, it takes me to space
Let me feel your love again



we were so close to the end of the road,
the edge of a star-less place
How were we led astray?, can I ask you to stay?
Let me feel your love again





Your smile, how it shines, can I make you mine
Let us love from the start again

It's easy to hide behind the masks of..

I am sad

Wreath me in smiles

It's easy to sink lower and lower into the drinking pool to soothe your raw, bleeding wounds. they told you salt water would help

What does it mean to love, when you have only understood betrayal

Their love is a cage

simultaneously confining and defining

your heart 

I want to be free to love you the only way I know how

in bits and pieces, not at all and then all at once, the force of a wave washing over you at midnight

I know you think I'm cold because I cut you off
but I did what I had to do to cut ME off
Our relationship brought out the worst in me
and I was tired of her
Happiness is second to the best
love is second to success

Clothes shopping?

The sexiest thing a woman can wear? 

Confidence.

(And if that intimidates him or turns him off then fuck him, he's scared by a real independent woman.)

You're not breaking up with him.

You're breaking up with your bad habits, your misgivings, your worries, your fears

You're breaking up with who you were when you were with him.

Are you just another heart that I will break?

don't go there. The last thing you should do right now is doubt yourself. Do you have a problem? Who is it a problem to?
I did what I thought was right, who is anyone to judge?

I don't promise that you'll love me and I don't promise that I will always make you happy. I don't promise that I won't disappoint you. I don't promise that I won't hurt you or make you sad.
But I promise that I will always accept you, I will never judge you, that I will support you and listen to you and care about you. I will always treat you with consideration and respect. I promise to always be interested in what you say. Because I love you.

I won't do everything in my power to make you happy. I won't do everything in my power to make sure you know that I love you. You either believe me or you don't. You either accept me or you don't.

I have to be strong in myself, in who I am. If I'm afraid that I'll hurt you then that means I don't trust you. And if I do hurt you, we weren't meant to be. If I trigger you, we weren't meant to be. Don't want something so blindly that you give yourself away for it. Know your worth

I understand relationships
but I don't understand love

I'm angry, angry at the world
and you're the only one who heard me
My love for chaos, my need for pain
my hatred of the world is still unchanged
I'm scared to go through this again with you
Tell me about the things I forgot or maybe never knew
about the sun and the trees, the mountains and the stars at night
that light up like I do when I see you

I'm reeling.
A feeling so unappealing,
the film is ragged and patchworked and peeling -
a facade of a face that
displaces the truth that was
misdirected, misplaced.

Too close for words, too far to say
how long it will be until another part of me is given away.

There comes a point in time when the words stick in your throat and your hands crumble to dust, your voice is out of tune and your brain begins to rust. You forget you have anything to share, the thought exists but the confidence is not there. You critique and bemoan, you jeer and scorn at your own timid expression, the honest and pure, albeit cheesy, truths. It becomes easier to stand still and not move at all than mistake small glories for greatness. It becomes easier to be quiet and not speak at all than mistake inspiration for wisdom. It becomes easier and easier, until you are nothing, were nothing, and will be nothing - it becomes easier and easier to be free.

Free to live, to dance, to exist without a thought of legacy or production or service or community. Free from responsibility, from pressure, from everything else that plagues to smart and ambitious.

When love is duty

Love is dead. Or is it? Is assuming responsibility also love? Is following your duty, love? When you wake up and choose something over and over, every day, even if you don't like it... is that love?

What is it supposed to feel like? At what point do you stop trying to recreate an old feeling?
Remember your first time? Is every thing after that point a chance to try to recapture the first time?

I miss the way the world felt when I was New.

melancholy musings

Empty, hollow
everyone uses the word "depressed", which implies the feeling of feeling of being 'pressed', pressed down, stepped on, deflated. But I don't feel anything. I'm empty, hollow. Nothing, and there never was. Just an anxious wind stirring up dead leaves. What's left when there's nothing left?