at the end of wit

what the fuck
I don't understand
I can't find help anywhere.
I can't talk to my boyfriend because i don't want to hurt his feelings
I can't talk to my friends because they're busy with their lives
and plus they all think i have it all together, whatever that means
I can't TALK TO PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET -via 7 cups of tea. Tried this... online emotional support thing. Its supposed to hook you up with "active listeners". People who just listen to you, because thats all it seems like I need right now.
so again---
I can't  TALK TO PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET- because they ask me out on dates?? What the fuck just happened?? So fucking random. Not helpful. Not emotionally supportive. No I don't want to Skype you.

What the hell. Who can I talk to without 1. worming my way their schedules. 2. feeling that they don't understand.  I just want help. advice. and I don't know about therapy because want to pay somebody to listen to me. shit.


Because pretty eyes don't make the world look pretty
and good looks dont' make the world look good
when the things inside are the color of pity
nothing is as wonderful as they should

shit.

huge, huge headache. full of lots of things to remember and tell, but no outlet, no outlet.

I literally talk to nobody through my days. Sort of nursing a killer migraine right now.

Don't even want to write about anything. I don't know what to say. Inner raging, a little.

fuckit.

ravings

It's a funny thing,
it's a funny thing,
you and me, we ring
fourteen inches thin
from a heaven-laden sin
smoothing golden-slumbered skins
into many-headed stings of a jealous rage,
a scribbled page, a crumpled stage of all that lies within.

The mind rambles in sleep,
a fogged inner sheep wrapped in wolves' handsome fleece
born to ravage and beat
meaning win,
a conversion to spin
 from a wife to a cheat
from a roar to a bleat.

"Girly"

I think my idea of what makes one "girly" is a bit deviant from the social norm.

It is believed that one is "girly" if they are interested in fashion, makeup, rom-coms etc. -- as though being girly is a matter of, well, subject matter. I disagree. I think it's a combination of characteristics that people are really  trying to point a finger too.

Having worked in fashion and such, I don't believe an interest in your everyday appearance makes one gender-influenced, rather, it signifies a healthy interest in the expression of oneself. In fact, I think the clothes you wear paint a wonderful picture of who you are, whether you are a confident trend-setter, a lamb-like trend-follower or avant-garde individual.

I'd think that what people are saying is "girly" is another set of personality traits in general, an unhealthy interest in other people's affairs, pointedly catty, overbearingly emotional (which isn't necessarily a bad thing), flippant, self-involved,
You know, maybe I'm just talking about not-that-great people in general. Maybe this has nothing to do with being "girly". I suppose I just dislike the negative implications of the word.