you make me what I'm not and that's how I know it matters

I'm ethereal. A floater. A nomad. I pull from everyone to be one. Give to everybody. Nothing matters. Go with the flow.
But not with you.

With you, I'm obsessed. Looking for the ghosts that aren't there, the perfume that lingers, that lipstick prints long faded. Who was the me? I want to know her but I don't know why. I want to know if you still lust over her, if you think of her body and the way she looked at you. The scent of her, the things she whispered in your ear at night and what she felt like underneath you. The way she made you feel and how you felt with her.

I want to know if I'm better, and even though I know I am... I still wonder.

But that's the thing, isn't it? I know I'm better. I know they want it, but everybody likes different things. I know I'm good, but there's always someone who could've been better. And it could have been her.

Do you miss her? I wonder if you do. There's nobody for me to miss, but it makes me feel lost in you as though you were all that was, and is, and will be.

Help me to stop being who I'm not. Help me be free. I don't know who I was.. and I don't know who I will be, but I don't want it to be too different. I'm scared of me. I'm scared of what I can do to people.