Family, Friends, Romantic Relationships, Sex, Work, Health, Spirituality
I want to comment that it's funny how Sex has its own section. I didn't really expect that. Goes to show how important it apparently is for humans.
Family
Acceptance
Loyalty
Support
Acceptance is the biggest thing, in family, I'd think. Acceptance for who you are, what you like, where you want to go. It's like the root of everything, family, and the root shouldn't constrain the growth of the tree above ground.
When I say Loyalty, I don't mean blind faith. I think it's been watered down to that definition nowadays, but I see it more as a.. "I'm on your team" type of camaraderie. Its not a "greater good", self-sacrificing "team-player" attitude- a jumble of mediocrity does not make a masterpiece. Like in a 5-star dish, every ingredient needs to be at its best. A loyalty to the success of All.
And support, of course, whether financially or emotionally, your family is your fall back. It's your back-bone, the origin of self, the womb. You should feel protected, loved and supported, no matter what you do. This doesn't overlook a failure in morality, of course, but does look to support them in their time of need. You can't desert your family.
Friends
Trust
Respect
Alignment
Trust is big with friends. You want to know that your information is safe with this.. complete stranger that you've decided to accept into your life. Perhaps I've had a lot of fake friends. It's very important that they respect the privacy of your life and the privilege of what you're entrusting them with. While loyalty is not as big of a factor with me - you can be friends with the "other party" all you want, as long as you don't tell them anything and you keep whats between us, between us, we'll get along fine. Also, with trust, comes a faint sense of reliability. If they say they're going to be there, you trust they're going to be there. I don't have too many close friends, so I can't paint reliability as an ultimate virtue - I just haven't had that sort of close experience (nor do I really believe in it, life takes you everywhere) - but you do trust the honor of their word. While reliability is nice, I think trust is stronger. I don't think you can lean on friends too heavily.
Oh, respect. My favorite. One needs to learn to have an observant, yet appreciative relationship with the person - a distanced recognition that the other person can, and will, do whatever the hell they want with their life, and liking them for it. Even your family shouldn't nag or interfere with the choices you make in life, and an acquaintance sure as hell shouldn't. Offering advice is one thing. Beating someone down about something is another. A familial Acceptance does play into this value. Respect also has another aspect in that regard- being able to see the person on a similar level. I hate it when people talk down to me, whether it's because of age, experience, or any other reason. The very different experiences people have are what makes your friends interesting and worth having. A fresh mozzarella and aged parmigiano are both very different, but I don't think one would say that one is better than the other - in fact, I think they would both be better together. I have very many older friends whom I respect for their experiences and who respect me for my experiences. Mutual admiration.
I'd think alignment is a very particular "value" for me, as it is something I seek in friends. While, of course, I do think it is important to have friends from all walks of life, I do find it important to have friends who are in alignment with your ideals and goals. What I mean by that is, do you think that an animal rights activist would be friends (or stay friends) with an individual who takes pleasure in stoning small animals? I'd think not. Of course, your friends can't complete you 100% and align with all your facets. But there has to be a bond made from a deep-seated connection and common interest, whether it be food, poetry, industry, or passion for life!
Romantic Relationships
Honesty
Reliability
A Sense of Bigger Picture
Romantic Relationships are tricky. You need to take a person with which you share the values of friendship: Trust, Respect, and Alignment; and form a relationship with deeper familial values: Acceptance, Loyalty and Support. And then on top of that, there's Romantic Relationship-specific values, and hopefully, Sex. What fun!
Honesty. It's a play on the sense of Trust from a friendship and Acceptance from a family member mixed with some grand Communication skills. You must be honest. Not brutally honest though. I like to (try to) employ this little mnemonic to help me sometimes: TNK.
Is it True? (Good, you're supposed to be honest.)
Is it Necessary? (If a recipe calls for 1 tbsp of hot sauce, why would you use 3? Same idea. Don't use or say more than is necessary. This generally applies to bad things - praise is always necessary. But don't overdo it.)
Is it Kind? (Last stop of the train. Unkind things are generally untrue and unnecessary.)
Reliability is a big thing here. This one ties in with Loyalty and Support from family. When this person begins becoming your family, you need to know that you can lean on them, that this person does their best to understand you and help you if you need it. I don't think it needs too much explaining - it's simple, to the point, easy to lose and hard to gain. You just got to be there.
Now I couldn't find a more graceful, concise word for this last value so I'm going with "A Sense of the Bigger Picture." Along with Alignment and Respect, the idea lends itself to the phrase, "Never go to bed angry." To be with a person with similar core desires, but with a deference to coupled success is a good match, I'd think. Well for me, at least. It's like running a 3-legged race with someone. You got to make sure they're willing to give up the use of one of their legs, that you're going in the same direction, and, most importantly, you want to make it work.
Sex
Communication
Novelty
Flexibility
Communication is key. To good sex, at least. Imagine, if somebody was insistent on beating you with a red hot poker, and even though you said, " No!", they thought "No!" meant "Yes!", do you think that'd call for some wonderful sex? (If you said yes, then I have to say I'm scared.)
Don't be afraid to talk about sex. If someone thinks you're crazy for doing so, don't have sex with them. You need to talk about what works and doesn't work, and what you like, and what you absolutely hate. Do the awkward pillow talk. Mention it during your romantic picnic. Discuss it on a 4 hour drive to Palm Springs. (But don't talk about it over dinner with their parents. Don't ever.)
It's okay if "No!" means "Yes!" and that gets you going. Then have a safe-word. Devise a system. Whatever works for you.
Why get naked with somebody if you can't even bare a piece of your (sex-related) soul to them?
People (should) love trying new things. New food, new places, new hair-salon, new gym, and new SEX. Butt-sex, public sex, sex with vegetables, sex with whips, sex with whip-cream, sex upside down and with other people - whatever you're willing to try. (no animals though. Please.) Why not embrace the spice of life? (The answer is variety.) What do you have to lose? (Except possibly some dignity.) You're already naked, for Gods-sake!
What I'm talking about here is not, I-can-bend-over-backwards-and-lick-my-own-penis, kind of flexibility, I'm more speaking of a go-with-the-flow mentality. Sex, to me, is the product of seduction. And the one who does the "seducing"? Well you can always take turns. Sometimes you want to get roughed up, sometimes you want to wind your ribbons around him - either way, a flexibility in dominance is important. I'm not a you're-always-on-top or I'm-always-on-top kind of gal. It's relative. It's dependent. Whatever happens, you gotta be okay with getting smashed on the bottom sometimes, and you gotta be okay with hauling ass on top. It's life. You can't always win. Deal with it. Some guys are pretty one note about it, they're going to control you with their Ego (they'll force you to do stuff) or be real lazy with their Ego (they'll just lie there and expect you to do things). Either way, they got an Ego that knows what it wants. Don't hang out with them, and most importantly: don't have sex with them. There's no fun in personality-less sex.
On that note, I guess I'd say that I prefer to seduce men until they take control. There's something fun about making people snap.
Whew. That was a lot of writing, so I'm saving Work, Health and Spirituality for tomorrow.
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