stew

stewing right now. wishing I could be somewhere that I currently am not.

Have I been so anti-festival because I'm worried of Sophia? Worried of who I could be?


Burning though.. simmering.. I want to be free be free, let loose, quit being so preoccupied with my own self and socialize, jesus.


There's a thin underlying line of nasty sabotage resting there, wounded animal anger. Upset and snappy. Of course, I'm doing a wonderful job of assuaging, I'd say. Its deadened with love haha, but its there.

I need to keep running, running.. I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it, either. Nobody was there with us, experienced the thrills and chills, We were Golden in our age. All of us. I don't know many other people like that, that need to let those animals loose every once and a while. Like let the fuck loose. We were all a cohesive team too, fuck. Idk. Now I have to go about it differently. Feels different. Everyone different. No line to tug me back to reality. I could go wandering off if even you're not there.

I still want those times where people pull me back in... I want to feel that lack of responsibility again, I guess.
FUCK!

I'm angry and a little unhappy. fuck.