feeling..

feeling really alone. I don't know if I miss people or if its really just withdrawals of music and ecstasy. the dancing around and feeling good.. I don't know if I miss people or if I miss myself around people. I miss dancing. Dancing like that brings out this carnal in me, a queen, the seductive, tempting alter ego ...

just went through a couple minutes ruminating about names. There's three names floating around me. Sophia, Jade, Maj.
Sophia is Yin, I think. The dark glowing girl. Dusky light. She's the seductress hahaha. Captivating. All eyes on her. Sophy when I wan't to be extra naughty. I've been struggling with different auras, different energies, and tied to this name, I grew up with strong animal magnetism, incredible luck and as an emotionally passionate person. Hard to progress though, strong-willed, and can be too blunt or insistent.
Then Jade. a little more business-like I think. She's the quiet one. The reader, with the logic, the struggles, the complications, the discipline. Yang in a more muted way. She's the rough edges of pages in books and rain on a rooftop.. Plainly shining. Simple pleasures. She's much more the hippie. Like a little daisy.
And Maj. Sometimes I picture her as a British Punk-Rock queen with a pink shaggy pixie cut. She's rough but she sparkles and shines like broken glass in the light. She loves music with that pumped-up, jumping-up-and-down beat, and she's angry, oh, can she can get angry. The tough mask, the up front, the face girl. Oh she's the "nurture" girl, the structure built from the culmination of childhood experiences and teen stumbles rolled pell-mell into both Jade's fears and Sophia's stubbornness to make who you know.


I got off onto this tangent that started in semi-misery. It's nice to know I can distract myself. I'd LOVE to be dancing, because I miss dancing, and I think I miss being around all kind of people in general. My faces are getting dusty. Time to get back out there.


Rule&Shine