Maybe this one feels differently because I feel differently about it.
I can't take this stuff lightly anymore... tangling people in my web of deception and mystery, using them to validate the things I forget about myself.

The thing is, I really don't want to do this anymore. Live my life like this, that is. I want something different. I need a change of scenery, I swift kick in the ass to wake me up and put me on the edge. I work best in challenging conditions. Or do I? Is that another false idea that I feed myself about who I am?

I'm sick of all these people that "know" me. I want to craft myself from nothing, raise myself from the dead. I'm done with this carcass, I want another one. I want another name, another profession, another accent, another story. I'm just another shapeshifter without a soul - nobody knows my true form except him. Sounds crazy, but there's something in me that he sees, some raw nugget of something. I want to be that person. 

There's some goodness in me somewhere... but is this my way of shifting responsibility again? Is this another way of handing the control off to someone else? He's my backboard though, my ground zero, my HQ. Is he though? Is he just another person with expectations? Does he know what he loves? Does he know my truths?
Does he know that I'm broken? Or does he know that brokenness is where the light gets in?