struggling with feelings of frustration today, colored with bits of inadequacy and flashes of anger.
Craving discipline and structure, but I don't know how to get it. I know things are just in my reach, but is it laziness? Lack of motivation? Ebbing willpower?
A stubbornness in forgoing sacrifice?
And while struggling with these feelings of doing nothing, its not as though I am doing anything enjoyable either. I can't relax, being on the internet only heightens my disgusted feelings in myself, nothing on the television is worth watching. I can't even sleep.
Perhaps my feelings of procrastination, ie. my fear of unsurmountable work, is so strong that trying to get in between the hairline crack between the fuel and brake is almost like trying to walk an invisible line.
Going from doing nothing at all to trying to be doing something at all times is so difficult right now.
I'm trying to be my own coach, but I have no idea how to reward myself for doing anything. I need to be more decisive and clear cut but I don't know how to be healthy about making myself do things.
don't know where to start. or even, where anything ends.
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